Amber-Rose, Precious Jewel

by K. Belanger
(Kawartha Lakes, Ont. Canada)

My Wee Amber-rose, you are a very precious sole

when you came from heaven, you looked so perfect,
I was cautious at your sleepy behaviour,
when you had your first photo,you didn't arouse,
you were a little fussy, but not too much, the normal stages were coming and went.

At 6 months you didn't sit, role, or make sounds, your dad said you were just different. At 5 months you were teething, and seemed in pain. I tried to console you, but it seemed I gave you more pain.

I yearned to hold you, but you would have no part of it. Every one else did not exist to you, your sister or father.

As you became aware of your surroundings, you went into hysterics. One lady at church said "what's wrong?" I asked that same question. The doctor's didn't notice, as we fell through the cracks. I pleaded with your father who said, "Deal with the hand that God has dealt you."

So you and I trudged along in the darkness. I homeschooled you with every strategy I could think of. Making felt alphabets so that you could handle them. You echoed so I gave the apropriate response.

You and I were alone. You grew, but not much changed. I took you everywhere, groceries, in the car was a challenge. Every day meltdowns were a force from hell. Eight hours or more, standing at your will pitted against mine, so you couldn't hurt yourself or anyone else.

You ate glass after breaking a window, cut yourself instead of changing, soiled your room, costing hundreds in clean up. Many said institutionalize her. I couldn't! You are my precious girl!

Your father walked away when you acted out. It has been a battle. We have fought long and hard, but I see the light, through this precious Jewel.

The simplest thing can turn someone around. You help me at work, you have your dog, and now a horse.

The battle is not over, but you are worth more than gold to me. I hated your autism, but I love you, and I knew that there was a whole person in there, my Precious Jewel!

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