Just Give Me Care

by Carolyn

"Why God

Do you trust me this much
To give me a child like this?"
I may ask...

Is he having a hard morning?'
My friend asked
"No" I replied "he is having a hard life"
"This is a normal morning"
"This is everyday for us"

I try and hide the tears,
But they fall too fast...
I don't understand,
And it seems so unfair...
I feel angry and cheated
Of a life we don't share

Just going anywhere,
Not a simple task
You never know
Just how he'll react
"Why is everything so hard for him?"
I ask...

Awake late at night
Staring at the pages of a book
Or the computer screen
Learning all I can
About this kind of autism
Wondering how someone so smart
can be struggling

Then suddenly it comes to me...
This must be the reason I was chosen to be his mother,
And he to be my son...

It's because I understand him
I see how his mind works
Certain ways he's just like me
And that reality hurts...

It's how we look at the world
How we need things to be,
How we both persevere
Now are you starting to see?

"I can't help it" he tells me
"This is just how God made me"
And so I ask him,
What can I do to help you then?"
And he says...
"Just give me care, Mom"
That's all I need"
He brings me a flower,
Then I hug him close,
And as he melts into my arms
I know it's over,
For now...

Again the tears roll down my eye
It's moments like these,
Now I understand why.

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